Life and the great escape!

It is surprising, how hollow one can feel, how empty one can be! All the things that were a little exciting just one year ago, are now all feel stupid. On one hand you may keep on trying to be non-serious, but on the other hand you just can't help it! It's like whenever you are alone it surrounds you like a cloud so dark and it happens to be there always, and you keep on escaping, to find relaxation, to find some peace, to forget! With videos, with friends, by talking or reading, it does not matter what is the subject but it always ends up raining like you were never away from the clouds. 

It may not demand someone as a lover, deeply it just seeks company, and a tender understanding, some affection but one is aware this is what love gives you, but you can not expect this from today's love, today's love is a torture, most of the times, another escape. Which will end up being the same. 

One wonders, is the existence even aware of one's doubts, questions, problems, visions or is it just meaningless like a lot others. Like a lot others, is it just a part of the game. The true beauty of being lost is when you just close your eyes and all you see is darkness whereas all it should have been is you! So the mystery remains, the problem remains, sadness surrounds, the darkness remains. Memories keep flashing like it was just yesterday. Time makes you worry and death is waiving at you!

It seems you would not even be a chapter, you would not even be a story, you would not even be remembered, then so much struggle, what for? Why the attempt, why the failure. Why the discipline and then being lost and then again getting back on the path. It has turned into a poisonous cycle. 

And I wonder what would it be when the time comes to say goodbye, will one have anything to take away from this world. Anything at all? Or he will be on the list of all those losers who came and lived like an animal only to die in the end?